Personal Blog Post from May 25, 2011~
“You’re Going to Prove Me Wrong” – Seriously I couldn’t help but smile at hearing those words out of the psychiatrist’s mouth today. He was thrilled with how well our oldest is doing. He had told me in all his years of practice he had never seen anyone get well. I am going to prove him wrong!
That came on the heels of yesterday’s triumph with the counselor giving him a clean bill of health and saying that unless something changes he doesn’t need to see him for a month.
I know we still have such a long way to go. There are still issues and medical concerns to deal with and there may be relapses to deal with but it has now been over 2 weeks with no medication and he’s doing fabulous.
So for today I’m again focusing on how far we have come instead of how long we still have to go. It’s going to be a long journey but progress is being made and that makes me smile.
2.5 years later… I’m now much more humble than I was back then. I look back and realize how proud I was believing that I had “fixed” my son. As they say… Pride cometh before the fall.
I still have an unwavering faith that my son will ultimately be fine. Exactly what “fine” is I leave in the hands of the Lord to determine. It has been a long journey and it may be even longer but I now trust in the Lord’s timing.
I have this quote as the background on my computer and it brings me great peace and comfort.
Strong faith in the Savior is submissively accepting of His will and timing in our lives, even if the outcome is not what we hoped for or wanted. ~ Elder Bednar
Through the experiences I’ve had I’ve come to trust that God knows what is best for me and my family. I have faith that everything will work out all right in the end. I’ve seen God’s hand working in our lives so many times the past few months I can’t doubt he is there and aware of what we are going through.
Isaiah 55:8-9 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
I’ve come to a point of acceptance and submissiveness. When things are out of my control I simply turn them over to the Lord. My son was my Heavenly Father’s son long before he was mine. A simple prayer of – I’ve done all I can do and he’s in your hands now – brings me the peace I need. I am then able to stand still and wait without the burden of excessive worry knowing that God loves my son and is watching over him.
Don’t assume you can fix everything, but fix what you can. If those are only small victories, be grateful for them and be patient. Dozens of times in the scriptures, the Lord commands someone to “stand still” or “be still”—and wait. Patiently enduring some things is part of our mortal education. ~ Elder Holland
I’m trying to celebrate the small victories such as the one we experienced yesterday. For just one day my son was back. That brief 24 hours of “normal” brought me great peace and comfort that he can in fact be made well and whole once again because for those precious 24 hours he was. That all hope is not lost and that God can in fact work miracles.
Today has been a day of needing to patiently endure. The kind of day where I need to remember that my son is in the hands of the divine potter and I can’t fix everything… but I can be patient and endure it well.