Despite everything we have tried my son ended up in the state hospital. I haven’t written much recently because there is not much to say. Well there is actually a lot to say but I haven’t know how to say it.
I feel a little like that story of a frog in boiling water. I’m not sure where I first heard it but it’s one I haven’t forgotten. Here is one version I found on facebook.
You’ve no doubt heard the story of the frog in boiling water. If you drop a frog into boiling water, it immediately jumps out (or so the story goes). However, if you put a frog in a pot of room-temperature water, and then bring the water to a boil very, very slowly, the frog will stay in the water until it dies. It’s an odd experiment that I have no intention of testing in my kitchen, but it’s an apt metaphor for how people sometimes deal with slowly deteriorating situations.
Over the last couple years things have been deteriorating but like that frog in the slowly boiling pot of water I don’t think we realized how bad things had gotten. At least until I hit my breaking point. The Friday before Thanksgiving I lost it. I was exhausted and just wasn’t handling things. I was tired and overwhelmed and worried. So many ups, so many downs and so much uncertainty of what the next moment would bring.
This quote from Elder Holland’s talk definitely applied to me.
For caregivers, in your devoted effort to assist with another’s health, do not destroy your own. In all these things be wise. Do not run faster than you have strength.
It was a rough weekend which included 3 phones calls to the police to help us locate our son because he had been out walking too long in the cold and we couldn’t find him. By Monday afternoon I was at my end and needed a break. After speaking with my son’s doctor I gave my son two choice one of which was to go to the hospital and that was the choice he chose. So we climbed into the car and went to check him in. He was admitted to the Behavioral Medicine Unit and was then transferred up to the Utah State Hospital.
In hindsight I see how we had become like that frog in the pot. Things had deteriorated but had happened at such a slow downward spiral that we didn’t realize how all consuming things had become until we jumped out of the water.
The past three months have been an interesting journey. In a lot of ways I have felt like it has been an extended vacation for me. The burden for caring for my son has been on someone else. But with that many of the blessings that came from caring for him have also gone. I’ve come to learn God cares for these special children of His and is very aware of them. I saw His hand in my son’s life on a daily basis when things were the toughest. Although my prayers have not all been answered how I wanted them to be, they have been answered and I trust that God knows what is best for us.
I know God lives and loves me and watches over me. I know He has a plan for my life and for my son’s life. I may not understand it but I accept it and that is a good place to be.
I’m contemplating how to share more of the journey we have been on without being too personal. For now I am happy to report that my son is doing fabulously and if things continue how they have been he will will be released soon and be returning home to us.